Thursday, June 16, 2016


May has been a bit of an overall overwhelming and somewhat crappy month!!! It was a crammed month and to top it off... I feel sick all day everyday! I am still babysitting two extra kids four days a week and took on another 4 month old baby 3 hours twice a week. Here is the overview:

The first week: Our friends were going on a trip to Hawaii and needed help with their kids.  We agreed to take them on for the 8 days that they were out of town.  I was nervous about it, but knew we could do it.  We did.  There was a littler girl age 5 and a little boy age 3.  The first Sunday I even managed to get 5 kids and myself ready for church at 9am alone (Keith has church meetings every Sunday morning).  The kids were dropped off Friday the 29th at 7:30.  The kids got along really pretty well.  The boys adored each other without squabbles until Monday and the girls made it all the way to Wednesday.  I was so proud of how well they got along and worked together.  I'd had grand plans of creating activities for everyday, but was so sick I couldn't pull it together.  We did try to do a few things, it was just hard.  The next Friday we had a huge Christian family gathering here at our house.  The extra kids did pretty good mingling with the rest of the group.  It was a bit crazy and I was feeling very sick (as usual).  The parents came to pick them up Sunday morning and the kids were so excited to see them.  I'm glad that it all worked out, no one was injured, and hopefully no kids were emotionally scarred.

Mother's Day: The Sunday the extra kiddos were picked up was actually Mother's Day.  I honestly HATE mother's day usually.  It is the day I end up making food for everyone and still doing all the dishes and clean up.  My kids tend to be extra snotty usually and I find it hard to even enjoy the day.  This year, Ada was oddly SO excited about it.  She talked about it all week and made a bag full of little cards and pictures she had drawn.  In the morning she wanted to make me breakfast so she poured all the cereal options into a bowl for me and left it for me to add the milk (she isn't allowed yet to pour the milk).  It was very sweet.  The kids were very affectionate and i felt loved by them.  The girls were happy to go up and sing in church.  We went out to my parents house for dinner and it was such a relief to not make dinner of have five kids to keep track of.  It was the BEST mother's day I've ever had.  I may even not completely dread it next year.

Second Week: I am the second councilor in Relief Society so I am in charge of Enrichment activities. May is usually the Mother Daughter activity and next to the super Saturday it's the biggest activity of the year.  Which means...lots of work!  We had decided to do a "spa" type night with a waffle bar dinner, Photo Booth, hair tip/styling class, craft and pillow case races.  The activity came together nicely.  I always feel a bit bad because I'm so busy running things that I don't actually get to spend much time with my girls.  We did finally do hair, makeup and pictures together.  The girls did my hair and took turns putting makeup on me.  Then we took pictures together.  It was very stressful, but did come together and I was relieved when it was over. The next day (after the activity) Keith had training in Texas and was gone the rest of the week.

Week Three: our peach tree was in full produce swing.  I was swamped with 6-7 bowels of peaches from our tree.  We tried out making peach jam and a peach/honey/vanilla butter.  They all turned out yummy and canned well.  I also squeezed in my last turn of teaching joy school as well as Ada's final week of Kindergarten.  On Friday the 20th was Ada's last day.  The kids and I went down to watch her little class celebration and party.  Ada got second place in the class reading contest (she read 153 books in a month).  She was named "best behaved" in her class. I'm so proud of how much she has grown over the year and learned.  She is a very bright girl and works hard at her school work.  She is the second tallest kid in her class.  I'm very proud of my kindergarten graduate! We got home and Keith packed up the camping gear and took the girls camping.  It was just me and the boy home for the night.  They had a great time and I loved just spending time with my little man.  On Sunday Ada had her first piano recital.  Not going to lie, didn't think she would do it.  She'd been telling me for weeks that she wasn't going to play at it.  We got there and she was the first kid on the program.  Keith talked to her and she went and sat on the stand.  She did it.  I was so proud of her.  She played her three little duets with her teacher and I couldn't be happier with her effort.  I love that she is playing the piano!

 Ada's teacher Mrs. O'Donnell (left) and the class aid Mrs. Saucedo.  Ada adored them and it was a good fit for her.

Week Three: This was our frantic get things ready for our trip week.  We had to get things packed and planned for the kids.  The plan was for us to take them out to the Rowse house and get them to sleep there Tuesday (the next week).  Our flight was during the middle of the night that night.  The kids would stay with my parents until Friday mid day and then go to the Christian home were they would stay until we got home Monday night.  Friday was our first appointment for the new baby.  We haven't told anyone yet and I was only 11 weeks.  I had decided to try a new doctor this time.  I loved my doctor last time, but had some beef with the office.  So, I picked a new doctor (literally, I think he's only be out of school a few years maybe).  One of the ladies I work with in the RS presidency is a nurse there a recommended him.  I figured, new doctor was fine.  I've done this three times and know what I'm doing.  I just have to have a doctor to go in for visits, but I didn't really need much..I "knew" what I was doing.  My appointment was at 10:30 so Keith would be off work and could come with me.  I think this is actually the first time he has ever come with me to an appointment besides the anatomy appointments.  We had our ultra sound first.  The baby was waving it's arm and it was very cute! I noticed the lady taking some measurements around her neck that I don't remember in times past, but didn't really think much of it.  We finished the the ultrasound tech and they took us to the exam room.  Keith really wanted to go celebrate at Red Robin for lunch.  While waiting for the doctor we decided that he would just go and pick up the kids and meet me at the restaurant.  He didn't need to be there for the pap smear and other such things.  He got up to leave just as the doctor was coming in.  Keith said he was going to go pick up our other kids, but the doctor asked if he would mind staying for a minute.  Panic starting shooting in my mind.  THAT is not normal.  He sat down and he chatted a minute with, just introducing ourselves and himself a bit.  Then he got down to business.  Our new doctor's name is Nathan Peterson.  So, he said that during the ultra sound they noticed a cystic hygroma on the baby's neck.  (later found out that is fluid build up around the neck)  He explained that this is usually a sign of chromosomal complications.  He said that sometimes this fluid will just go away and the baby is actually fine, but suggested that we go see a specialist to get a better ultra sound and to do the genetic testing.  My mind just went blank and I'm fairly sure I was in a state of a shock.  I could tell Keith was barely holding it together.  Dr. Peterson explained that the most common result of this hygroma is Down Syndrome.  We talked for a bit, but really it's kind of a blur.  I was able to keep my composure and act like I was ok, when I was fighting back a serious freak out inside.  He left to get the paperwork for the genetic testing and I was getting dressed.  Keith lost it and just started crying.  I couldn't...not yet.  I just said "don't!" and we both struggled to keep control.  I needed to do the basic blood work and get the paperwork for the genetic testing.  I didn't want the kids to be too long at his sister's house so I told Keith it was ok if he went to go get the kids and just take them home to eat lunch while I finished up.  I got my blood drawn (the lady kind of sucked at it and I'm pretty sure I'm going to have some nasty bruises).  They gave me the paperwork. I still felt like I was in a daze and wanted to make sure I was getting the information through my brain.  I kept asking questions (I think they may have been rather similar), but if I could repeat the answer then I knew I'd be able to recall it later.  When I finally made it out to make my next appointment at the front desk I was BARELY holding it together.  The doctor's nurse who was working with us came out and asked me if I was ok?  What am I suppose to say.  I'm about to break down and I just wanted to get out quick.  I may have mumbled a watery yes and then bolted outside.  I got to the car and just let go.  Horrible, painful, fearful sobbing!  Managed to make it home and hid in my room.  Keith got home with the kids and came and found me.  We just sobbed and sobbed.  I think the kids may have been a bit freaked out, but gave us some space.  We just sat there for a few hours crying and trying to talk.  I had a hair appointment at 3.  I'd been so excited but now just dreaded it. My friend who just lost her baby 6 months ago was the one cutting her hair.  I know it sounds silly, but I was afraid to talk to her.  Keith was having a hard time too and said he needed to have support.  I did NOT want to tell anyone, but did agree to tell our parents.  He arranged with them to come over that night around 7pm.  I pulled it together-isn and went to got my hair down.  Not going to lie...I felt like everything was crumbling around me and I was feeling kind of angry.  I was going to get my hair lightened for fun on our trip, but decided to finally be crazy and put color in my hair (something I've always wanted to do).  I had her put turquoise tips in my hair.  A little crazy, but it matched how I felt.

 I made it home just barely after my parents had come (Keith's parents had come early).  Keith had them sit down and said that we had excited news, that I was expecting.  At that we both just started crying.  Keith said that there were some problems and together we took turns trying to explain what we knew (which was very little).  Our parents didn't cry, them seemed so calm and kept talking about how wonderful and special kids with Down Syndrome are.  It was almost weird.  At first all I could think was, "of course it's easy for you to be's not YOUR baby".  Mean, I know, but I don't feel totally emotionally stable.  By the end I was feeling a little better and it was helpful to have our parents share with us.  We had a family prayer together and then they left.  Oh, the kids were here so they know that we are having a baby, but that something with the baby isn't quite right.  I had a pretty awful headache so we just went to bed sad and scared.

The next day was my birthday...happy crappy birthday to me! My sisters always do a craft activity together to celebrate with each other.  We had decided on doing it ON my birthday since it was on a Saturday.  I woke up and really had NO desire to go.  How was I suppose to pretend to be happy when all I wanted to do was cry and sit at home.  It was a struggle but I did go.  I tried to be active and interested, but I just wanted to be home.  That night we had set up to go have dinner with our friends that we'd helped with their wedding.  Keith wanted to cancel, but I really needed a distraction.  We went and it was really very helpful.  It was the first two hours I didn't cry and I didn't just think ONLY about our situation.  We had dinner and played games and it was a nice part of the day.  Here's to hating my 31st birthday!

No comments: