Friday, July 18, 2014

1st Doctor Appointment

March 7th was my first doctor's appointment for the baby. I struggled to decide on a new doctor.  I have two good friends that were recommending different ones.  However, one of the doctors I found out was expecting herself and was due during the summer.  I decided not to go with her as she may be out on maternity leave or whatever.  So I scheduled an appointment with the other.  Keith was out of town at a training in Texas.  My friend agreed to watch the girls while I went to my first appointment.  I was "measuring" about 12.5 weeks.  My due date is September 16th.  The doctor was very kind.  It seems weird to have a girl doctor as I've had a guy with the girls.  She did an ultrasound to make sure all was well.  Upon looking there appeared to be something between the legs.  The doctor told me not to go buy blue stuff yet, that it could just be the umbilical cord.  It was still early to tell, but there was definitely something there.  I know it's weird, but I wasn't sure whether to be happy or sad.  I got in the car and took a picture of the ultra sound and sent it to Keith.  He texted back asking if that was boy stuff in the picture.  I relayed what the doctor said, but then didn't hear back from him again the rest of the day.  A little disappointed in his response and feeling emotional and uncertain myself it made for a rather rough day.  I know that sounds horrible.  I'm so very lucky and blessed to even be able to be pregnant.  So many who want kids can't or different situations.  But, I was struggling to be excited.  We had QUITE a bit of drama with LaRue's name and stuff.  Family was upset it wasn't a family name and thought it was a strange name and REALLY (seriously, really) gave us a very hard time about it.  I spent so many nights pregnant crying in bed because of things people said about her name.   I guess I'm scared to even do it again because of the emotional stain it caused last time.  A boy also presents a very different challenge.  Again, what do we name it?  How do we name our kid without everyone saying unkind things?  I have wanted a boy for Keith, but also hoped not to have one so I wouldn't have to deal with the name situation.  Awful, I know.  It sounds so silly and ungrateful.  But, honestly that's the truth.  I struggled and was quite emotional the rest of the day.  Keith had gotten busy at work/training and never responded and that didn't help me feel better.  I needed someone to be excited and help pull me out of the slump I was in.  It was an exciting (to see my new baby move and be there) day, but at the same time overwhelming and a bit gloomy.  

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